When More is Less: Spring Clean Your Psyche
As I continue my annual spring cleaning ritual, I’ve been thinking about why we collect, gather, accumulate and seemingly attract more stuff into our lives. With my coaching & consulting clients, it’s often the same—except they accumulate ideas, products, and projects—there is a “more is more” mentality that I believe comes from deep below the surface of our psyches—perhaps even from our ancestors, and it can create confusion on what we should be writing, building or doing now. With this in mind, today’s essay has some tools for you to use to clear out the closets of your psyche—so that you can experience more clarity, aliveness, and joy. Here we go!
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I’m a more is more girl. If one B12 works, then two should open the gates of heaven. If one taco blows my taste buds, then two will bring me redemption. If a quarter plate of gnocchi is what I should eat, then a whole plate should satisfy every nook and cranny of my soul’s desire to be one with God. If I’m making money at something, I launch another thing to go simultaneously so I can make more. If one Moroccan pillow looks great on the bed, I’ll add three more—just in case.
If you feel driven by a “more is more” mentality, you may discover it’s in your genes, in your very wiring (thanks, Grandma!). Our very cellular structures are imprinted with memories, drives, and desires of which we may not even be conscious. We subconsciously run by the desires of the past while our righteous minds lecture us on what we should be doing now! Once, in a writing workshop, we were asked to create a villain, I named mine Voratia. Voratia, as you might rightly assume, is short for Voracious. She’s the part of me that cannot get enough, of anything!
As we clear out the accumulated stuff from this past year, we may have these tugging instincts to keep more than we possibly need or even want. My computer desktop and emails, for instance, give my Virgo friends heart palpitations. We want more success, more likes, more love, more money. Maintaining a “more is more” lifestyle is also very American, and for the entrepreneurs out there—there is a point when our prolific idea-making mind needs to chill out so we can rest!
So, how do you get comfortable in the space of less?
How can we uncover our subconscious drives as we prepare for summer, so we can spend more time dancing, playing and enjoying our lives rather than maintaining all of the extra energy it takes to hold onto so much?
First, we need to name it for what it is: FEAR.
FOMO, Fear of Missing Out.
Fear of letting go.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of not having enough.
Fear of not fulfilling our destiny…
FEAR: The More-is-More MOTIVATOR
Wherever you are fearful of letting go of a thing, habit or idea, you can look at the core of it by asking yourself: What do I fear I’ll lose if I give this up?
As you clear the clutter out of your art studio, inbox, idea folder, closet or calendar, what items do you cling to? For me, it’s not just closets, it’s everything; I am loath to release even one of my 300+ URL’s (I mean who knows, I might someday want to launch that soul-society tv show, and all the URL’s are there to simply promise it is still a possibility!)
What do you fear to release?
That someone else will do it? (but will you ever really do it?)
That you might lose weight and be able to wear that again? (do you really care to get that skinny again?)
That you worked so hard to be able to afford that wardrobe? (but it’s not even your style anymore—and may never be in style again!)
TRANSMUTING FEAR : PRACTICING ALCHEMY
This week, let’s do an experiment around fear. It’s psyche-alchemy and works every time for my clients. I think it is both useful and empowering. Here’s the practice:
– When you begin to feel urgency around releasing something, stop and notice it.
– Make the sound, Hmmmmmm…and breathe very consciously.
– Notice where you are feeling the urgency in your body and then breathe into that spot until it begins to get warm.
Often, when we feel urgency, we reach for another cup of tea, coffee, social media, or food. We avoid the urgency by checking the news or rattling off another email. But, to consciously clean house, you can’t take in more “stuff” to quell the sense of urgency—that sense is based on fear.
– The next step is to sit or stand, swaying with the sense of urgency and feel into it with closed eyes and the curious sound of Hmmmmmm…
Visualize the urgency right where it is in your body. Stare at it with your inner eyes. For that moment in time, don’t run to the gym or away, but stand or sit in place. Usually, if you stay with the feeling long enough, with eyes closed, you will see an actual scene or an energy that has a color or personality to it. You can then follow it to a memory. Sometimes the memory isn’t even yours, but could be your mom’s, grandmother’s or another person’s in your line.
– If you see a scene, simply watch it.
I have seen many scenes arise in these moments that weren’t even mine. I have seen violence, sexual assault, and I’ve also seen myself hiding from an enemy—these were not my memories from this lifetime but somehow arose. I’ve also seen things from my own life, like a boy who used to sit on my chest, pin me down, and spit on me (my neighbor boy growing up). I’ve also seen symbols, beautiful light, and other imagery that didn’t make sense at the time. Sometimes the feeling of urgency is that I am supposed to pay attention to a message coming through—an intuition for instance around a health issue.
All of this can happen in a few minutes, or sometimes it can take a while. But, when you stick with the feeling, you will be able to dissipate the fear, that urgency in your body that sends you into keeping the cycle going.
– You can then journal, asking yourself these questions:
Am I willing to accept this part of me?
Am I willing to accept that this is part of me even if it’s not “mine?”
Am I willing to embrace and nourish this part of me?
Am I willing to transform this part of me? (I then usually visualize the feeling or scene turning into a bird and flying into the sky)
When you can honestly say yes to each of these and feel it in the space that had the urgency in your body, then you have moved through the fire. Keep moving, through releasing the items, habits, ideas, things (and maybe even people) that are holding you back.
When you find yourself feeling anxiety, worry, or any other emotion that doesn’t serve you or that sends you into a habit that you know isn’t good for you, or into that More is More space, you can then reclaim yourself and clear the habit by doing this fear-cleansing practice. It’s a little like a therapy or hypnosis session that you can do as you clean out the closets of your psyche. It’s a “block and tackle” approach that will save you time, money, and ultimately peace of mind.
I hope this helps you as you experience more of you and less need to mask your feelings with the habits that don’t serve you. I am reminded so often to do this as I’m prepping for a new set of offers, creating new workshops, and designing new programs—I don’t want anything I create to be based on an underlying fear.
I want everything to have the “sparklies.” When I’m writing like my life depends on it, leaking all that fear into run-on sentences, I know to do this practice. It’s a true helper in life. It is a key to living in discernment and self-responsibility while alchemizing fear into clear, pure, soul-directed motivation. Yes, we are one with each other and the world. We are one with the ancestors and those whose DNA informs our cells. We are one with it all, but to release it all so we can truly live OUR LIVES takes the courage to become an alchemist, a transformational leader.
I send you my love, may you find more you today in the process of doing less. Here’s to more you, less fear. More you, less worry. More you, less doing.
