Make Tea Time With Your Lover
My husband and I have been married for 8+ years. Together for 10+. We have a 4-year old together, and he has helped me raise my son, since my son was our daughter’s age. I never thought finding a man who would be comfortable with my ferocity for freedom would be possible until I met one who valued his just as much as mine. In the beginning, we had power struggles, now we have tea time. Here are some ways to use tea as a means to improving intimacy with your mate.
1. Mornings are just better together. Gerard gets up before me to do his Kriya meditation. He leaves the house, goes out to his office and meditates. I wake up in the house, at least an hour before the kids, make my tea and do my meditation. Then, Gerard comes back into the house and we have a second cup together, still before kids are up. This second cup together is our time to sit and watch the sunrise, listen to the birds, talk about what we are grateful for, and start the day with appreciation together. Although we spend the first cup on our personal spirituality, we spend our second in union. We work hard not to jump into logistics, but to share spirit, talk about dreams, express our sensitive aspirations. Our experience has shown that it’s not a time to talk business or kids, but to talk about our sacred inner lives, which gives voice to them and a stronger bond to us.
2. When we miss tea time, we tend to miss moments to appreciate one another throughout the day. Tea time has become as crucial to our relationship as sex. Why? Because it’s the sacred time we have to share what is NOT in the realm of logistics. Marriage with kids tends to become busy, and busy tends to forget intimacy. Who’s taking Sage to soccer? Will you be home to help get dinner ready? Did the bookkeeper pay that bill or did you pay so-and-so? It ends up being very tactical and not sexy at all. We have noticed that tea time is time carved out for the sacred in us and each other, to talk of dreams, inner secrets, longings–not whether or not summer camp schedule will work with work schedule. We refrain from the business of life for this small sacred cup and we thrive for it.
3. Tea time rituals gives us permission to be dreamers and friends, in a healthy way. Coffee tends to make us move fast, I always say, “Coffee gives me courage, but tea sustains me.” When Gerard and I have coffee, we usually get too revved up to go deep. We feel ambitious from coffee, while tea gives us quiet calm energy. Tea has a different form of caffeine than coffee, and it increases calm focus in the brain due to its high levels of L-Theanine, an amino acid proven to give the brain calm focus. So, coffee is reserved for when we are under tough deadlines or have a big project, but rarely would we drink it together. I’ve noticed it makes me anxious and that tea makes me energized in a more even-keel way that drives us closer.
Tea has not only increased our intimacy, but it has built a bridge between our hearts in new ways. One cup takes about 20 minutes to sip in our house, because we use big mugs for our breakfast tea, and that 20 minutes is reserved for sharing our inner lives with one another. Setting an intention to have tea together and not talk about anything but our soul’s journeys has made our bond stronger and more resilient. It has given us time to be instead of do. It has also made our dreams come true, in the sense that we are cued into one another’s greater aspirations because we’ve made time to share them–not allowing logistics to drown them out. I truly hope this post helps you to create or rediscover a ritual with your lover that will increase your appreciation for one another, your health and your happiness. Remember to make time for the sacred in one another, and cherish it. I’d love to hear your rituals with your mate in the comments below–I learn so much from you.
With Love, Zhena
